vaporous: fleeting, unsubstantial, fanciful.
Once I got past the worst part of the separation and divorce, which in my case took a few years, I started thinking about dating. It’s hard to get your mind around dating at age 48. My friends said, “Try the internet!” So I did, but always with the question: “But then how would I know for certain you aren’t an ax murderer?” in the back of my mind!
My first date was with a 5′5″ man who said online that he was 5′8″ and also said he was divorced until I met with him. Then the truth came out! He was actually involved in a very nasty divorce and having his wife followed around by a PI as we spoke. YUCK! Watch out for those 20-30 year old photos on there too…
Then I decided to date smarter by using E-Harmony. They said they had the perfect match for me and silly me, I believed them! ”Doug” and I talked on the phone a few times and then got together for a few hours. I was immediately struck by a strong feeling that he was gay when he walked up to me. (Gaydar, I guess) I really enjoyed talking with him so we set up a lunch date for the next day….never heard from him again! And since I only knew his first name and cell number, I had no way to follow up. He simply vanished after one date. My dating life was vaporizing before my eyes!
I was so disillusioned by internet dating, I started my own personal version of a dating service, interviewing only local singles, doing background checks, etc. It was lots of fun and made me feel so much less alone in my dating dilemmas. Plus it showed me that there are lots of cool, honest older singles out there looking for love and companionship.
My only problem was getting enough older men for my women clients, so I again joined Match.com with the purpose of attracting more men to join my dating service. I worded my profile in a real general way. I thought, I’ll meet with them first and if we don’t click, I’ll simply tell them about my service. And that is exactly how I met my new husband!
Later on, I found out he also was completely frustrated with internet dating and was about to give up. Instead he chose just a few characteristics to screen by, i.e. height, education, etc. then winked at every women who came up. I was one of them because I was barely tall enough to fit into his criteria. We e-mailed only twice, talked on the phone once and met that same week. We were immediately drawn to each other, and spoke together for ten hours on our first date.
After that time with him, I felt great but still very apprehensive. What if he vaporized now??? I didn’t hear from him for a day or so, couldn’t stand the tension, and called him up. As it turned out, he wanted to call me sooner, but didn’t want to seem too forward. That evening when he came over I told him about my bad experiences with vaporizing men. And he responded, “You’ve met your match with me! I have no plans to vaporize!”
The rest is, as they say, history. We married 8 months later and now, three years later, still feel like we were incredibly lucky to find each other.
My advice around internet dating is to be very honest with yourself and with the people you meet online. Don’t lie about anything because the truth eventually comes out sooner or later, and when it does, it always feels like a betrayal. Also, do as much research as you feel you need to on this new person you have met and think you love. Check to see if they really own their house on the county property records and whether they are truly divorced. Get AIDS tests, whatever you need to feel safe and trusting with this new person in your life. But once they have proven themselves to you, trust them and love them with all your heart!
We grow old as soon as we cease to love and trust.