Well, my time on match.com has come to an end. Pardon me if this isn’t as irreverent as what I typically shoot for (we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled snarking tomorrow), but I think I have some Thoughts with a capital “T.”
I know I sent this around to a couple of you when I first found it, but I’ve been blog hoarding it for this very purpose. This article, which was featured in Esquire and is utterly worth the read despite how long it is, charts the progress of a writer who decides to play Cyrano for his beautiful baby-sitter by hooking her up on match.com. It’s a fascinating and accurate look at the culture of online dating, but I want to echo a surprising sentiment that writer A.J. Jacobs makes near the end of his article:
People often wonder where all the “good guys” have gone. I’m not convinced enough to say I found them, but I will say that that rumors of their deaths have been greatly exaggerated. Sure, I was “hit on” (I use quotation marks because, really, how hard can a guy hit over the internet?) by a few creeps, but mostly, it was just really nice guys using a variety of awkward conversation starters.
What I’m wondering, though is why meeting people in this way is becoming more and more popular. It lacks intimacy, is about as romantic as a low budget arranged marriage and save for a few startlingly specific sites (thanks to Taylor for sharing this with me!), the chances of finding someone on your same wavelength seems daunting at best.
Are we, as a society, lonelier than we were when our parents and grandparents were dating? Busier, perhaps? Or just not as willing to brave the unruly wilderness of the dating scene? Being on match.com is like applying for a job on Monster–you put your resume out there and see what kind of interest it generates.
Is it that our culture is obsessed with investments and returns? We’re willing to put in the online energies because it’s quick and easy, but are we unwilling to take a risk unless there’s a digital safety net? It’s almost as if the old adage “nothing ventured, nothing gained” has transformed from a rousing battle cry into a reassurance, a promise–nothing ventured, nothing gained, but nothing , either.
Before I start sounding too much like the insufferable Carrie Bradshaw, I’m going to address you all, since I know some of you will have some opinions to share. What’s up with online dating? Does it still have the connotation implied in the above PostSecret? And is our generation more likely than any other to soak up this digital dating? Bueller?
As for me, I’m done with the online scene–maybe I’ll pick it up again someday, but for now, I’d rather spend my money on dog racing and hooch, thank you very much.
And lastly, for those of you who might have found this boring, I shall now summarize: