How NOT To Get A Date

Let me start this off with a few qualifying statements. I am a-okay with thinking outside the box. Creative types are fine by me. Not necessarily following a traditional career path in a perfectly straight line is wholly acceptable. Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you a few ways you will most certainly never get a date.

Whining about your job.- Let me clarify here. Imagine we’ve never met. We’ve exchanged a few emails and now we are into IMing. You are clearly attempting to get a date as you are going to follow up this particular conversation by asking me out this weekend. But this conversation… this conversation is all about how you got screwed over at work. And how you want a new job. Now. I don’t know you. You’re supposed to be making me like you. And this is what you choose? Smooth move bud. Except not.

Whining about my job. - I have a job that is easy to make fun of. It’s true. There are all kinds of jokes out there about pointless bureaucracy in my line of work. And all kinds of stereotypes about lazy people there too. But to flat out tell me all of this when attempting to get me to go out with you? This behavior will not earn you a date. Jokes about your taxpayer dollars at work? Not funny. Asking me how I can stand it? Also un-amusing. If you can’t keep a lid on that crap, we aren’t going anywhere bud. And what’s worse, you have made me instantly regret my hesitant date acceptance a few minutes ago.

Living with your parents. - I’m sorry. I really am. I want to be open minded. I want to be understanding about the economy and bills and alternative career paths. But seriously, at this age you need your own pad. It doesn’t have to be impressive or huge or in the most uppity neighborhood. You can even have a roommate or two! Just so long as they aren’t named Mom and Dad. Because there is nothing less hot than waking up in someone’s place and saying hello to their mommy on the way to the bathroom. That’s all I’m saying.

Sometimes you just have to wonder what some people are thinking.