Matchmaker, Matchmaker - Make Me A Match!

The woman who has designated herself as my matchmaker has returned! Although, when I saw her she told me with regret in her voice that the man she wants to fix me up with is now seeing someone. I assured her that it is quite alright for I am not really looking to date currently. She ignored me continuing on that he just deserves a nice girl and she does not approve of the one he is seeing. She told me that she isn’t good for him and - this is an actual quote - “she doesn’t look clean.”

She is going to remind him of me and try to get him to come in to visit me at the store because she really thinks we could enjoy each other. She already is planning vacations for us to go on! It’s amusing yet a bit distressing because I know he is definitely not for me based on what I have heard.

Apparently, it doesn’t cross her mind that I may not be interested in him. She tells me that he’s everything a young lady would want. If she were younger she told me she “would be playing her cards for him.” He’s smart - an engineer - and a hard worker. She tells me I deserve someone who makes money. And yes, I like when a man can treat me to nice dates but it’s all for nothing if they don’t make feel excitable. I really could never be the gold-digger type. I value a real connection far too much.

And then, just before she leaves she informs me that he is a “large man” but “carries his weight well.” And I felt aghast. I am trying to politely tell her that I’m really not into dating right now but this is really almost too much for me. Anyone who knows me knows that I only am sexually attracted to lean men. I have zero interest in dating a large man ever again in my life (my first two boyfriends were “teddy bear” types and this touches on a huge issue for me) because in all honesty, it’s the thin men that get my engine purring. I am not trying to be superficial. I just cannot fight the fact that I am hardwired to have a very specific type.

Well, I’m sure that this story will continue somewhere down the line. And I just wanted to take note of the progression of my very first experience with someone trying to fix me up with another person.

Oh, the adventures in singledom!

Sheldon Harnick. “Matchmaker.”