I haven’t been updating on a daily basis any more, because it started to feel like I was repeating myself. Things have been plugging along. I weighed in this morning at 162.3, another low. I’m still following my food plan, basically, although I did have a few bad moments over the past few days. And I’m working out just about every day. I feel great and am very pleased that I managed to make changes. It hasn’t seemed that terribly difficult to just keep going. I actually enjoy eating reasonable portions and not stuffing myself.
The other day was my birthday. There were quite a few food temptations that went with the special day. We had a great cake, my favorite kind - extremely fresh white cake with white buttercream frosting. It was even round. (Something about a round cake just seems so traditionally “birthday-ish,” making it more appetizing for whatever reason!) My husband also offered to take me out to dinner, anywhere I wanted.
But the odd thing was, I didn’t really want to go out for a big restaurant meal. The night before that, I’d really over-indulged, making my favorite Caesar salad (something I continue to crave at least every few days) and having two large plates of it, along with multiple pieces of garlic bread. My husband grilled steak, too, and I also had a generous portion of that as well.
When I woke up on my birthday, I honestly didn’t feel like going out for another large meal. I actually WANTED to stay home and just focus on the cake. So that’s what we did. My dinner was a Lean Cuisine Chicken Fettucini with some cracked pepper and parmesan cheese stirred into it. Some steamed green beans, seasoned with a bit of dill and a tiny flip of butter, rounded out the meal. It was delicious.
I was proud of myself for making those choices. And after we’d all had cake, I cut up the rest and wrapped the pieces individually. Then I put them in the freezer.
Of course, the cake has been haunting me ever since. It really was that good. And unfortunately, the small pieces thaw quickly enough. I confess that I had another piece the day after my birthday, and another piece today. It’s not a good trend. I can feel the self-deception coming on…I see the numbers on the scale dropping - albeit not that dramatically - and I tell myself that a piece of cake isn’t hurting my progress.
But I know that if I make this a habit, which it could easily become again, it’s going to start me on a downhill slide, away from the good changes that I’ve made. I really don’t want that to happen.
Likewise, I’ve had another problem with craving garlic bread. I’m not sure why, but over the past several days, I’ve basically emptied the freezer of all the bread we’d accumulated. It just makes such a great snack, with a little glass of white wine. I know it’s another bad habit, another thing that could undo all my progress if I let it continue.
And like I said, I continue to lose weight, just not quite as quickly as before.
I need to keep my focus. I’d love, love, LOVE to see the 150s on the scale. I haven’t been there in 10 years or longer. I’m already at a lower number than I can remember, at least since having kids. It’d be fun to get into the 150s, just to prove that I can. I need to maintain a clear vision of what it is I’m wanting out of this.
I want to keep working out. I want to hold onto the good habits I’ve managed to cobble out over the past couple of months. I want to keep eating fruit and vegetables, keep eating the smaller (NORMAL!) portions instead of wolfing down huge burritos the size of a rolled-up newspaper.
All of those things seem relatively easy at the moment. I’ve always enjoyed working out and have been able to keep up that habit for several years, only slacking off for the few months just prior to starting this plan. So the exercise componant isn’t a huge obstacle.
And eating fruits and vegetables hasn’t been hard either. Neither has portion control, after the first few weeks.
But the thing I worry about is this “lying to myself” problem. I don’t want to slip into self-deception, telling myself, for instance, that a daily piece of birthday cake isn’t going to change anything. It’s not a good habit.
So tomorrow, I’m committing to not having cake. I’ll check in at the end of the day and verify that I stuck with my commitment.