Regrets

I have to say, I really REALLY regretted indulging in that garlic bread last night!

Almost more than any of the rest of my “binge moments,” last night’s garlic bread fiasco made me miserable.  I really overdid it, to the point where the bread sat like a brick in my stomach.  Twice in the night I woke up with a heartburn feeling, almost enough to make me nauseous.

To top it off, when I forced myself to weigh in this morning, I was back to 163.  I’d gained almost 2 pounds from that over-indulgance.

Definitely not worth it!

I really need to remember this feeling the next time I am tempted by the desire to binge. 

It’s been so great to go to the swimming pool and feel like I look reasonably good in my swimsuit.  Today when a bunch of the snooty moms showed up at our neighborhood pool, I suddenly realized that I looked just as good as any of them.  For years, I’ve struggled with intense feelings of inferiority, bogged down by those extra 25 pounds I used to carry around with me.  I used to feel so ashamed of myself.  But now, although I’ll probably never be what I’d consider “model thin,” to where I’d want to wear a bikini, I at least feel like I don’t stand out horribly.  My figure is OK enough.  I’d say I probably look as fit as most of the other moms, perhaps better than some, definitely worse than others.

(And yes, I realize how “high school” this sounds.  But hey, it’s the truth, the reality of where I live.  I can’t change the fact that these other women are like this - but at least I COULD change the fact that I used to be fat.  And now, despite how juvenile and immature it is for a middle-aged woman to be concerned about being judged based on her appearance, at least I’m feeling like I can participate in the world around me.  I feel like I’ve managed to put myself on the playing field.  So, “high school” or not, it’s still an accomplishment!)

I don’t want to lose this accomplishment.  I don’t want to slide back into old habits which will eventually lead me to being out of shape and fat again.  Binging on garlic bread is simply not worth the price.